Reason #11: F**k Katy Perry

I kissed a girl way before she did, and I didn't waste your time by writing a song about it. Sorry Miss Perry but you're soooo 2000 and late.

Reason #10: Twexting

So the writers at Chick lit is not dead have one thing wrong. Chick lit is dead. OK, two things wrong. Chick lit is dead AND they've got the wrong idea about Twexting. According to their definition, Twexting is "a text about Twitter." They really couldn't be more wrong. Urban Dictionary has it wrong, too. According to ka_nizzle Twexting is "Using Twitter to text message back and forth to one person." Help me out here, but does that even make sense? How can you use Twitter to text message?

To clear this up, we've offered a new, correct definition of Twexting:

Main Entry:

²twext

Function:

verb

Date:

2009

transitive verb

: to send a text message from one cell phone to another while also sending a tweet to the same person.
intransitive verb
: to communicate by text messaging and tweeting simultaneously.

There. Now you have it. Before long it'll be up at Urban Dictionary and it's all thanks to MannDubinBlog. AND, now that you have it, fork over a million bucks, because somebody owes me a million bucks.

Reason #9 *Recession Buster Special*

Recession Buster Special!!!!!!!!

This work is on sale for the low low price 0f $750,000. A whopping 25% discount if you do the math. Please, serious inquiries only.

Reason #8: Tire-Slashing

Are we serious? Maybe. We're f***ing nuts, man! Pay me, or you're next (maybe).

Reason #7: I know the truth

Somebody owes me at least a million bucks because I know the truth behind King Kong.

Scientists have debated who would win in a fight between a T-Rex and King Kong, but they failed to address one central issue. In the movie, King Kong goes up against 3 T-Rex. So, while he may have stood a chance against just one Tyrannosaurus, it begs the question: how would he stand up against 3, count it, 3 of them?

As all of you know (or are about to know), King Kong destroys the 3 dinos in the movie. He knocks them to kingdom come. I've got a big problem with this: IT'S NOT REALISTIC. Especially in a movie that is supposed to accurately portray historical events, this is a shame. It fills our children's minds with nonsense and before you know it they'll be out hunting dinosaurs because they know we share 99% of our DNA with Kong and they say "if he can do it, so can I." Can you imagine what will happen when the first child happens upon a T-Rex? That child will be devoured faster than the time it takes for me to eat a small child, and believe me when I tell you that is FAST.

So, for protecting our children and uncovering more lies in Hollywood, somebody owes me a million bucks.

Reason #6: Might Kill the Landscaper

At least 3 mornings a week this clown wakes my apartment complex up with his damn leaf blower. Somebody should give me a million bucks for even THINKING about doing something. Penny for your thoughts? Million bucks for MY thoughts.

Reason #5: Becca's Retarded Idea to Make a Million Bucks

Our friend Becca B. thought she came up with an awesome idea for why somebody should give her a million bucks. Thing is, it's a terrible idea. To be fair, we decided you let you, the reader, decide the fate of her idea.

Automatic Door Opener
"Something should be invented that will automatically open doors when you walk up to them. I mean, it's the 21st century, why are we still using our hands to open doors"

Our Response
Becca- PUT DOWN THE PIPE, WAKE UP AND WALK TO A COMMERCIAL BUILDING. I mean, come on, half of commercial buildings have revolving doors that start revolving automatically when you walk into them.

I'm pretty sure your idea has already been invented...

...like 50 years ago. It's called a motion sensor. It senses motion. When said contraption senses said motion, said door opens. COME ON BECCA.

We're deeply saddened by the quality of ideas endorsed by our friends, but you can save Becca B.'s career here at MannDubinBlog by commenting in support of her. Or her idea...if you dare.

Reason #4: Smart Bicycle Helmet

HEAR YE, HEAR YE: THE BICYCLE HELMETS OF THE 20th CENTURY ARE ON THEIR WAY OUT. SAY HELLO TO THE FUTURE OF BIKE RIDING (and everyday life if you choose to live in a helmet)

No longer is it necessary to carry a map. EVER (again, as long as you live in a helmet). With our new, unique, one of a kind, innovative, genius, awesome idea for a Smart Bicycle Helmet your directions will be fed into your ears! It's almost like (or basically is) those Oakley Sunglasses that have an earpiece worn by Dog the Bounty Hunter. Only this is a helmet, and I'm not Dog the Bounty Hunter. I'm pretty sure Henry isn't Dog either, but you never can tell. (F*** Dog the Bounty Hunter, he's a racist)

Anyway, back to the helmet. This helmet is AWESOME! The earpiece will tell you when to turn and everything! All you have to do is program the address into your GPS. Some people might ask, "can't I just wear my normal headphones with my normal GPS and my normal helmet?" I scoff at these people. DUH, no you can't! The helmet's probably not as safe as ours, anyway.

OK. So that's my idea. Take that straight to the bank. And while you're there get me my million dollars because somebody definitely needs to give me a million bucks.

Reason #3

Beat that! Now pay me.

Reason #2

Reason #1