Reason #9 *Recession Buster Special*

Recession Buster Special!!!!!!!!

This work is on sale for the low low price 0f $750,000. A whopping 25% discount if you do the math. Please, serious inquiries only.

Reason #8: Tire-Slashing

Are we serious? Maybe. We're f***ing nuts, man! Pay me, or you're next (maybe).

Reason #7: I know the truth

Somebody owes me at least a million bucks because I know the truth behind King Kong.

Scientists have debated who would win in a fight between a T-Rex and King Kong, but they failed to address one central issue. In the movie, King Kong goes up against 3 T-Rex. So, while he may have stood a chance against just one Tyrannosaurus, it begs the question: how would he stand up against 3, count it, 3 of them?

As all of you know (or are about to know), King Kong destroys the 3 dinos in the movie. He knocks them to kingdom come. I've got a big problem with this: IT'S NOT REALISTIC. Especially in a movie that is supposed to accurately portray historical events, this is a shame. It fills our children's minds with nonsense and before you know it they'll be out hunting dinosaurs because they know we share 99% of our DNA with Kong and they say "if he can do it, so can I." Can you imagine what will happen when the first child happens upon a T-Rex? That child will be devoured faster than the time it takes for me to eat a small child, and believe me when I tell you that is FAST.

So, for protecting our children and uncovering more lies in Hollywood, somebody owes me a million bucks.